Birth

What No One Tells You About AFTER Giving Birth!

*WARNING* This blog post contains graphic material that might offend, or just simply disgust certain readers. 🙂

postpartumV. >> For all of you ladies that are pregnant, or are looking forward to being pregnant, this blog post is for you. I’m writing it because I’m pissed off ! While I was pregnant, I read all of the books. I watched the DVDs. I hired a doula to help me give birth and to give me and my boyfriend prenatal courses. You would have thought that someone out there would take the time to forewarn us women that after we push an 8 pounder out of our hoohas, there would be issues ! But alas, although people brushed upon the subject, no one warned me that, although I gave birth naturally and not by c-section, it would hurt like a motherbleeper.

Okay, okay… some of you might say that I should have figured out on my own that whenever something of the size of a baby has to go through a hole as small as the vagina, it’s a bit inevitable that there are going to be certain issues, right? So go ahead, laugh at me if you want because I do feel idiotic for not understanding the extent of the damage that would be done to my hooha. And apparently, I barely tore! I had a second degree tear from giving birth, which is “normal” according to my doctor… I don’t even want to imagine what it must be like to tear to the 4th degree. Or to have a c-section. I don’t even want to imagine that… *shudder*

I never imagined that the pain would be so bad that I would be walking like a cowboy for about 2 weeks after giving birth. Or that going number two would be a traumatizing experience. That I would have to take sitz baths at least twice a day, just to get the swelling down enough so that I could sit on a chair without starting to scream like my baby when she’s colicky  And finally, that the sutures would stab me constantly, making me feel like I was wearing a medieval torture device made to discourage me from having premarital sex.

So here are my tips for all those women who are preparing to give birth through their hoohas:

  • Get a sitz bath BEFORE giving birth. If you don’t know what that is, it’s like a tub that fits under the toilet seat and that you can sit on in order to rinse your private region out. Some hospitals provide these for their patients (like mine did) but most don’t.
  • Buy yourself a little spray bottle (you know, those water bottles with the nozzles on them where you can squirt water out from the tip when running?). While going number one, it helps to avoid the burning sensation if you squirt water on your hooha at the same time.
  • Get some “bottom spray”. I wish I could have found this product when I was pregnant – unfortunately all of the places that I checked were all out, but my doula swears by it. You put it in your sitz bath, and it helps with the healing. If you’re in Montreal, this lovely little boutique actually has some (obviously I had to find it after I was done needing it ): Boutique Bummis on boulevard Saint-Laurent. The store is actually really great, and really cute! Either way, you should check it out.
  • Get some stool softeners. I know… ew. But seriously necessary. You’ll regret it if you don’t.
  • Haemorrhoid cream and ring to sit on (if at this point you’re not second guessing your decision to give birth, you’re superwoman 😉 – or you’ve lived through worst. In any case, I admire you!).
  • Also, try preparing your nether region before the birth! Yes, kegels are important, but there are also other things that you can do to stretch in order to prevent tearing! At least three times a day, try crouching down (I know that’s hard to do with a 20 pound basketball hanging in front of you so try holding on to a counter or something) for 30 seconds. You’ll feel your perineum stretch, which is a good thing.
  • I know this can be weird, but actually using your fingers (or your man’s) to pull down on the perineum for a few seconds a day will help.
  • When giving birth, it’s a good idea to bring some oil to the hospital to massage the area (some doctors do this, and some don’t – try discussing this beforehand in order to see if it’s a possibility). Try almond or raisin oils. I personally used emu oil. Warm compresses applied to the perineum also helps preventing the tearing. My doctor didn’t do any of this *grrrr…*
  • I did something that most women would be completely closed off to, but really helped. I saw a gynaecological osteopath. Yup. She helped stretch my privates once a week. It’s weird, but it’s worth the investment. If you need a referral in Montreal, private message me on Facebook.

I know I’ve probably made the post-birth sound REALLY bad. It kinda is, but it’s also really worth it, isn’t it? At least now you know ;)!

Any other tips? Write them in the comments below!

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4 thoughts on “What No One Tells You About AFTER Giving Birth!

  1. I remember feeling like I had a venus flytrap for a “Queen V” for the following month after my daughter’s birth (hey, we’re being full disclosure here, right?). I have NO idea how many stitches I had, but I’d guess at the dozen+ mark. And my perineum was intact. I had ripped in a “star” pattern.

    It’s a great list to which I’d add the following items in your hospital bag, especially since you don’t necessarily know whether or not you’ll be having a prolonged stay in the hospital, or godforbid, the NICU:

    – Huggies baby wipes, for yourself.
    – OVERNIGHT pads. I had made the mistake of bringing regular pads. Which… aren’t sufficient.

  2. Pingback: Sex After Birth? Better Than Ever! | What Would She Think?

  3. Oh God, so true. If I had know before what I painfully learned after giving birth, I soooooo would have prepared myself better. I was very happy to have bought dates though. They were supposed to help me start labor (because I did not want to be induced), instead, they helped after the fact, hehe.

  4. Pingback: My Child is a Suitcase. | What Would She Think?

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