V. >> (Mom, Dad, I’m talking about sex. You might want to skip this one. But if you do read it, please, never talk to me about it!)
There’s one thing that I’ve learned from starting a blog on becoming a mommy. Lots of us out there worry about what our hoohas will look and feel like after giving birth (I just need to look at the searches that lead people to this blog)!!! I can definitely relate, and am so happy that my thoughts can inform/reassure/scare the shit out of some of you.
Here’s a positive side to giving birth through my hooha: sex has become better than ever! Let the good times begin 🙂 (if we can only find the time and energy, of course). I always worried, before becoming a mommy, whether I would become looser, if it would feel the same (both for my boyfriend and I). I worried whether having my breasts touched after using them to feed my daughter would feel weird, if they would hurt.
The good news is that once the healing had taken place on my Lady V (I wrote about that here), not only were the sensations better, but I felt more liberated as a woman and had an easier time letting go and enjoying these sensations. I mean, 6 resident physicians, three nurses, a doula, my boyfriend, and my video camera were all there while my hooha was stretched to its max and a head came through it. I think it would be impossible for me to be shy around my boyfriend anymore! If he still loves me after I went delirious during labour, he’ll still love me when I go delirious during sex. Enough said.
I’ve also learned that, although my breasts are serving their primary function as a feeding apparatus right now, I don’t have as much difficulty as I feared seeing them as dual purpose anymore. It is possible not to get both confused.
I do have to admit that the first time I had sex after ripping, healing, and having nothing up there for a few weeks, my hooha kinda felt like an elastic band left out in the cold for too long. Stretching was slooooow going. But, once the stretching was done, it was fan-tas-tic. And yes, my boyfriend enjoyed it very much. He didn’t think there was much of a difference from before the birth.
If you’re worried about the possible “looseness” that might ensue from giving birth, get going on those kegels (but not too much! After all, you don’t want to end up having the Jaws of Life as a vagina). And, of course, don’t forget that you shouldn’t get down and dirty with your partner at least before the recommended 6-week healing period (same goes for taking a bath, wait until you’re healed) and definitely WITH birth control. Don’t think that because you’re breastfeeding or pumping your breast milk that you’ll be totally infertile; both my sister and I got our periods at around the 2 month mark, so the baby-makers are back up and running.
Finally, I’ve learned that, although we might not always have the time, energy, or possibility of having sex, a tender and passionate kiss, a touch in passing, or even holding each other can be almost as satisfying as the act in and of itself. Throughout these stressful times, it’s important to be able to not forget how we came to have a child in the first place. It’s important to take the time to appreciate each other, and see our partner, not only as the father of our child, but also as our lovers and our best friends.
So for all of you ladies worried about that might become after birth, once your fatigue lifts enough for you to even feel like having sex, and once you find the time to enjoy each other fully, it will be possible to have great sex! Phew!