I don’t know about you, but when I got pregnant, all the medical professionals around me starting asking if I was having sex. Not because they wanted to discourage it. On the contrary, they wanted to encourage me to have sex! And when I would tell them that, no, I was not having sex, the look of concern on their face made me feel like utter crap.
I mean, I know that you can (technically speaking) have sex when you’re pregnant. I know that some women have the strongest libido they’ve ever had. But uh-uh. Not me. Not even close.
The first three months, if only I could get through the 24-hour constant nausea and fatigue, maybe I would have felt like it. But having sex was definitely the last item on my list of priorities. I did feel guilty for my boyfriend, because not only did he have to tolerate me at my worse, but he also couldn’t touch me without making me cringe. It must have been tough for him, not only to go without sex, but without much of any affection at all.
Once those horrible three months were over, I hoped that my libido would reappear. I waited… and waited… and waited. And it never came. Not only did I not feel like having sex, but my back started hurting me, and I started feeling the baby move. Whenever I would attempt to have sex, the baby would kick, taking me completely out of the moment. I felt weird having sex while my baby was just “there”. I knew she didn’t care, or even notice, that something was going on. But I just couldn’t get past it.
And then you get huge. It was hard enough for me to get onto the bed. But then find a position that would make having sex work? Forget about it!
So why did these well-meaning professionals make me feel so guilty about it? You’d think that they would understand that having sex is a challenge when you have a 25-pound minimum weight pulling down on your belly. But no… They tried to encourage me to try different positions, to get into the mood in different ways. Why could they just accept that I just wasn’t having anything of it, and that was okay?
I think that it’s great that medical professionals want to make sure that we know it’s okay to have sex. But I think that they need to remember that they’re talking about our private lives. We already feel horrible enough as it is, do we need to add on guilt at not having sex?