(Truth be told, I’ve rewritten this post a few times already. Every time I’ve come off as an emotional wreck… I guess I am.)
I’ve been extremely stressed out this week. My sister had the idea that we should go get our hair done at our favourite salon this Friday, you know… get rid of the obvious signs of new mommyhood (a.k.a. outgrown, lackluster hair). The moment she suggested it, I felt my heart fall into my stomach: “I’ll have to get a babysitter for Baby Girl.” Gulp.
Although my daughter was cared for by others the first week of her life and right from the start we as parents had to learn to trust those people, the idea of leaving her in the care of friends and family for a few hours now gives me cold sweats.
Oh, get over yourself, Rach. I know.
I got in touch with a close family member who was available and cares for my daughter very much. Luckily she was willing to indulge my request for a test run this afternoon so that Baby Girl could get to know her and vice versa. The idea of doing a run through with me being in the house and taking the necessary time to show my cousin where everything is, how to decipher the cries and the nap signals, how to prep the bottles and prepare herself for the Battle, what the naptime routine is, etc. makes me feel a lot better.
I guess my fear resides in the fact that my daughter is shy and very attached to me, which on one hand melts my heart and on the other breaks my heart. I’ve always said that I wished to raise an independent, outgoing and sociable daughter. Well, it seems my daughter got her father’s social habits rather than mine. I’m also aware that I tend to give off the impression that my daughter cries a lot, either from gas or exhaustion – that’s what you get for answering the phone when she’s in the midst of tummy pains. I realize that it’s never easy to have a phone conversation with an infant without the risk of having a cry or two escape from them, and that my giggly, smiley and playful daughter is getting a bad rap from me.
That more than likely stems from my deep desire to please and be liked (don’t we all fight with that!), and no one likes a crying, screaming baby, no matter the reason. Messed up, hunh? Well, it’s pretty normal, I know.
All that being said, I have to get over my stress about my daughter crying for me. I’ve been a babysitter and nanny to infants, I know that they cry no matter what and that a good sitter will do their best to care for and entertain. I also trust my cousin to love my daughter and give her the best care possible.
There’s a first time for everything, right? I’m looking forward to the new hair cut and color, and to “popping my babysitting cherry”.
And amen for cell phones.