If I were a good mom according to the media’s standard, here is what my day would look like
1- I would wake up an hour before my kids in order to drink my coffee and make breakfast for my kids, and fit in a 45 minute workout.
2- I would greet my children with a gigantic, awake smile, and serve them a breakfast of only fresh food.
3- We would all get dressed (yoga pants not acceptable!) and I would have good hair and makeup.
4- We would go to the park, or to an educational activity
5- The kids would nap in their bed, on time every day, for a minimum of an hour and a half
6- During that, I would do chores. Do the laundry, cook a lunch made from scratch.
7- My kids would eat all of their vegetables because they’ve only ever eaten them.
8- I would let my children watch half an hour of TV (not more, and only educational stuff!!) while I do the dishes
9- I would let my child do free play for an hour while I relax (finally!) by reading a book
10- I would set out some arts and crafts for my kids to enjoy while I teach them nursery rhymes
11- My youngest would go down for another nap without a fight for at least another hour and a half, while I spend one-on-one time with my older kid, reading books with her and playing with her toys.
12- My baby would wake up, and I would allow them to play together while I cook a very healthy meal from scratch
13- They would get a bath every day, and I would wash them with only organic, chemical free shampoos ordered online
14- I would read them each three books and they would be in bed by 8
15- After that, I would clean for another 30 minutes, and then take care of my husband for the rest of the night, before taking care of personal care needs before going to bed by 10.30pm
On weekends, I would have time to clean the house thoroughly, do the groceries for the week, go on at least one outing with the kids. They would have swimming lessons or play groups with friends (supervised and animated by the parents, of course!) The laundry would not only be done but folded and put away. And I would have time to hang out with family and friends.
If this schedule reflects your daily life without fail, yay for you! You get my utmost admiration (seriously!) But you know what? I have no idea who the fuck as the energy and mental capacity to take care of their children at that level all of the time.
A few months ago, after realizing that I was tired of feeling guilty every day because I could never get everything I wanted done during a day, I decided that it was enough. I decided to become a Good Enough Mom. A mom who does her best but doesn’t try too hard. A mom who doesn’t sweat the small stuff. Who every day, tries to balance her energy level and her own personal needs with the ones of her children.
Most days, I don’t get dressed.
My kids don’t get daily baths
Some days they don’t get dressed either
Some days, they watch too much tv
I don’t always have the time or energy to bring them outside to play
Fuck working out, who has time for that shit?
Some days, we eat fast food and they get too much chocolate
And no, I still haven’t figured out how to get them to consistently eat their vegetables
But every day, there’s at least 2 or 3 successes that I can focus on and feel good about my parenting. And I focus on that. Every time I beat myself up for not having brought the kids out, for not having brushed my hair, for having allowed my kids to watch more TV so that I could relax a bit, I try and feel good about the meal that I made them, that the fact that perhaps my teeth aren’t clean, but my dishwasher has been unloaded.
We need more models of the Good Enough Mom out there. The one that does her best, but admits to being imperfect. The one who can have a good laugh at how bad she can be, but is also VERY loving and caring and knows that she’s doing the best that she can.
If you feel Good Enough, tells how you’re a #goodenoughmom on Twitter (no, I didnt make it up) on our Facebook page! When you feel guilty one day because your child ate a chicken nugget, come and join the fun and take a load of pressure off.